Unappreciated Humor

I occasionally need to write a school excuse for my son; especially if we're traveling somewhere during the school year when he's supposed to be in class. The main rule of our school district--the excuse MUST state what educational value the student will experience with you when he or she isn't in school. I don't like to lie, so I won't do a google search for museums in the area we're traveling to and say we're going there when we aren't. My excuse for Disney World was easy to write:

I'm emailing you today to let the school know about our family trip to Orlando, FL. in September 2013. Shayne will miss classes the week of Monday, September 9th to Friday, September 13th.

The trip will be very educational. We'll be visiting Epcot to learn about countries, and to design roller coasters on a computer program. He'll also be taking an animation class, and learning about the history of Disney films at Hollywood Studios.

I will make sure he gets his homework assignments from his teachers before he leaves. Please let me know if you need anything else from us.

See, easy to follow their rules there. But last January, it wasn't as easy. Sports don't equal educational experiences in the halls of academia. I wrote this note first to have him excused from school for a trip with the college hockey team my husband was coaching at the time:

Please excuse Shayne Conner from school on Friday, January 18, 2013. He will be traveling to Syracuse, NY on a bus with his parents, and the IUP D1 hockey team. I will make sure Shayne gets his assignments for Friday. If there is a problem, please call us or email us. We can expand on the coaching duties of my husband, or on my neuromuscular condition that makes family travel with the hockey team a necessity.

My son came home and told me my request was denied because it wasn't educational enough. So, I flexed my brain to figure out what real nuggets of knowledge Shayne would receive from our upcoming trip, and here is my second draft:

 

Please excuse Shayne Conner from school on Friday, January 18, 2013. He will be traveling to Syracuse, NY on a bus with his parents, and the IUP D1 hockey team. While I cannot guarantee the quality of the educational experience he will receive, I am positive he will gain quite an education on a ten-hour (round trip) bus ride with 28 eighteen to twenty-five year old male hockey players.

Once in Syracuse, Shayne will help fill water bottles during each hockey game. After every period, he will join the team in the locker room. There, depending on how the game is going, he will definitely get a lesson that will expand his vocabulary.

Since he plays hockey, watching the games on Friday and Saturday will hopefully broaden his hockey sense, enabling him to have a stronger hockey game of his own.

That sums up the educational value of the trip. I apologize for not explaining everything fully in my last note. I will make sure Shayne gets his assignments for Friday. If there is a problem, please call us or email us. We can expand on the hockey team coaching duties of my husband, or on my neuromuscular condition that makes family travel with the hockey team a necessity.

Unfortunately, this version didn't fly with my husband or my son. They laughed, but another version went to school instead. I'm told the attendance secretary barely approved the other letter. I wonder what she would have said about my brutally honest excuse letter?

Sigh. My humor just isn't appreciated!

Public Speaking Success, and an Encore!

I survived March 11th!!!! In fact...

Derek and I have been asked to talk to another counseling graduate class sometime this summer! I still have jitters (I highly doubt those will ever go away) but I'm more comfortable if I don't have to be the lone speaker. I need a buddy. Honestly, the worst part of the whole experience was riding the elevator because..

I'm HORRIBLY claustrophobic.

This isn't something I've acquired from being in a wheelchair. Oh no. I've been this way for ever. In my previous life, the one before the wheelchair, if I had a choice between taking steps or an elevator, the steps always won. My claustrophobia is so bad around elevators, that complete strangers know all about my all-consuming fear. It's been almost six years, but I have a sneaking suspicion two workers at the Empire State Building are still laughing at me.

Why? Well...

When Derek, Shayne, and I visited in 2008, before I was rolled into the elevator, I asked in a small, quivering voice, "Are the elevators well maintained?" The answer was a resounding "Yes!" followed by a bunch of friendly chuckles over my obvious reluctance to get onboard a packed elevator and ride up to the 102nd floor. A little known fact: If you tell the people operating the elevators you are claustrophobic, and you go at a non-crowded time, you can request your own elevator! We did, and that made the experience doable. Barely.

I survived that round trip elevator ride just like I survived my public speaking. And while I'm really looking forward to doing more public speaking with Derek, I am NOT looking forward to my next elevator ride.

Here's a photo of the Thank You card the class sent me (they sent Derek one, too, but I didn't include his). They're so nice!